I HAD a wild night of sex with a girl I’d met online who seemed willing to try anything.
But as soon as it was over I felt empty and miserable, as often seems to happen these days.
I am 29. I met a lovely girl when I was 22 and for a year everything was great. Then I ended it.
Now I think I loved her so much I was frightened of feeling vulnerable. After that, I slept around having fun.
For a couple of years I messed girls around, seeing them and dumping them without offering any explanation.
I got one girl pregnant but pushed her away with excuses like I wasn’t ready or finding petty faults with her. I now have a beautiful daughter.
For years I’ve wanted to meet another girl like my ex but at the same time I behave in a way that stops me finding someone decent.
Now I have become addicted to casual, kinky sex, sometimes rough, watching porn and dirty webcam sex with girls.
I cannot believe what some of them are willing to do. It meets all my sexual fantasies and more.
But the buzz I once got has gone and I don’t want to carry on this way any longer.
I want to get rid of these urges for dirty sex and porn, especially now I have a young child. I want to settle down and have a family.
But I feel powerless to control myself.
I have got as far as deleting someone’s contact details, promising myself enough is enough and I am going to change. Then the urge takes over and I am drawn back into it.
ADVICE:
You are using sex for short-term thrills to numb your underlying pain, much as drug addicts and alcoholics do.
Many sex addicts were sexually or emotionally abused as children. Did a bleak childhood leave you feeling miserable inside?
You want to find someone to love rather than just have sex with, but your problems get in the way of maintaining loving relationships.
You are on a treadmill of seeking ever-greater sexual gratification but at the same time, it is blunting your emotional and sexual responses.
This could get in the way of you enjoying a fulfilling sexual relationship with a future partner.
It is great you have recognised you have a problem and want to stop. My e-leaflet Addicted To Sex? explains more and where to find expert help.
Do you have regular contact with your daughter? Being an involved and hands-on dad could help heal some of your pain.